disappointed

I guess this is the worst interview that I've ever had in my entire life. I screwed every single part of it. I played like shit and my answers were really out of point. They were long-winded and did not even lead to anything. I guess the reason that I kept talking is because if I din, I wouldn't be able to think of anything else to say, so well I kept on crapping all the way. They didn't ask me much, I did most of the talking. And M's face at that time looked as if she wanted so much to tell straight to my face "I don't want U". Well, all the things that I said was so crappy that I couldn't believe that it actually came out from my mouth. I was so confident before the interview, after hearing from so many ppl that it's okay and the song is very easy, etc.. So I thought that things would juz naturally spurt out from my mouth and well with that who-cares-to-prepare-for-it attitude, I was totally wrong. I'm so disappointed! My playing sucks big time!

OP workshop

Portugal lost 1-nil to France.. Wat the hell, after the period when all the teams I supported won, now comes this period they all lost.. Haiz, I dun care already, whoever wants to get the cup, go and get it, anyone but not Italy!!! They make me find no reason at all to watch the final already!!!

We had Oral Presentation workshop today and it was so funny. Each of us was supposed to think of a certain topic and present it in front of the class for abt 3 mins. And they were video-recording us!!! Well, some people were really good, some juz went up there and laugh their heads off =)), some even made use of the powerpause haha (thx Matt, that was a good laugh) and so many ppl were talking about SLEEP. So did I :D it was not that bad I had thought, but the moment I saw the video of my part, damn, it was super lousy urghhh. I guess it's because I was standing to one side of the camera so as to have a good look at everyone, so the camera wasn't able to capture every movement I made. But I still got the chocolate, wow, which was kind of shocking :D. Anyway, one thing I realize after every presentation was that I always feel very nervous before getting up there, scared that I will forget things I have written down, scared that I will actually show people that I'm nervous, stuff like that.. But once I get up there, my nervousness immediately sinks and things juz keep flooding my mind :) well, about the topic I addressed, SLEEP is a serious business -.-, like duh right, but it IS important (otherwise, u will find no meaning in life like me yesterday :D), so.. all-nighters out there, have a good sleep everyday alright =)

Alright, I'm gonna pray for myself tmr.. Please don't give me an F for my physics paper..

post CT

common tests have ended, and so is World Cup (at least to me).. things are coming back to how it used to be, which is quite a sad thing.. i juz hope so much for these 2 years to end faster.. there will be no more sufferring, no more worries, at least for a certain period of time.. This morning, while walking to school, feeling terribly jaded after watching WC and high fever , I suddenly told Tu: "I find no meaning in life." Well, I regretted having said that right after i said it. I shouldn't let those thoughts pour out during this period.. Getting flu virus from Phoebe I guess, my whole yesterday wasn't pleasant at all, yet, the temptation of watching WC semifinal still won over.. The fever amazingly disappeared though.. But Germany lost :(.. I dunno why I like Germany but I've been supporting them since WC 2002.. And every year, I had to go through this feeling when they lost.. Not a fan of football, I just like to watch those last few important matches.. And the amazing impression about football that I have had is that when you wholeheartedly support a team no matter what, the final results will really have a deep impact on your feeling afterwards. I cried when they scored, and I was shocked when they lost. Can you imagine spending 120 minutes staring at the screen, having heart attack a few times and all of a sudden, last 2 minutes, what you get is 2-nil for the opponent?!? Prayers didn't work anymore, the shock came so suddenly.. Ppl might say that Germany is not as good as many other teams, and they can only win by sheer luck or thx to biased referee.. Well, PROBABLY!! But isn't that how football is supposed to be?? You dunno what's gonna happen in the next moment.. And everything needs luck..

I realize that I have wasted so much time lately doing nonsense stuff.. Time really flies but somehow I don't know how to appreciate it.. i must always wait until the last minute so as to have the inspiration to do things.. Haha CT has ended but promo is coming, as well as so many other things happening at the same time.. juz handed up exco form, gotta give speech next week and go through interview also.. haiz i dun think i can get the VP post..

Our PW is so screwed, we did absolutely nothing during the holiday.. Surveys have not been printed yet, we haven't sent the request letter for interview urghhh.. Am I a very bad group leader!?? :( :( :( anyway, I must push through this period.. It's short but terribly tiring I must say.. Sometimes I wish I could have more time to do certain things, but at the same time, I hope all this will end much much faster.. huh, i'm contradicting myself..

We're gonna get back all the papers very soon.. And the possibility of me failing some subjects is rather high.. Maths was okay, but I expected 10 marks higher than what I actually get.. So i also dunno what might become of all my other papers.. Anyway, each exam is juz an experience of the real thing and I hope things will turn brighter as time progresses :)

There is actually a lot more meaning in life than you might think :)

Common tests

i want to give up. i want to throw all these things out of my head right now. it's too saturated to be crammed into anymore. have been working really hard since I got back here. had no time to actually study back home. but I regret i didn't. coz i'm stressed now. the feeling of being under pressure. haha. they're juz tests. but funny how they make people suffer, some even gone mad. maybe I'm not right now. still have time to blog. But I was on the verge of giving up. I almost did. but I know that my family has trust in me and my current motto is "study for family". So I decide I won't let them down. 1 day should be enough.

The day after tomorrow, common tests finally commence.

class outing :)
sorry guys, I juz realized I forgot to send this to all of u :P

suddenly found this photo in my thumbdrive.. Haha we both look very funny.. And look, my room is undeniably messy (:

arggg

Oh god.. damn.. it... I need a pleasant night to do my work.. haven't been able to study much in the evening.. wat's wrong with me? always feel sleepy during lessons and feel tired when I come home.. argg.. and "that irritating thing" is now coming back to me.. wat should I do? I've been trying so hard..
Should I get a fresh start next week?
Physics is really killing me :( both practicals and tutorials..
Anyway, shut up and go bathe and sleep.. Plz ask me nothing, I need to sort out everything before it's getting worse..

Tet holiday

one of the few pix taken during Tet holiday back home.. So sad that I dun have the soft copy of those I took with my family :(

heart attack?

oh crap.. dun tell me I'm having a heart-attack or something.. woke up this morning, felt extremely painful on my left near the heart, like it's being pressurized by sthg.. Not sure whether it's a heart problem coz it's juz pain around that area :(.. Was it becoz of the 40 push-ups yesterday? Arg I dunno.. was quite terrified this morning.. but it seems a little better now I guess..
Crap there's PE tmr also.. Arhhh.. it's juz scary thinking of wat's gonna happen if I try to run tmr..

PE..argg..

Oh man I hate PE, today was my worst PE lesson ever.. Had to run 2 rounds only but the new teacher made us do too much workout.. Normally, I actually dun mind all this, but the HEAT today was.. arg.. no word can describe it man.. gosh, I dun wanna get tanned :((.. Felt like dying all the way back, slowly crawling and trying to get into the shade whenever possible.. Once I got back, I fell right onto my bed and slept for almost 4 hours.. Didn't manage to get up in time for dinner some more.. What a day!
well, gotta do some work now..

some thoughts

I'm back in S'pore =)
It was great to be home for Tet holiday, to really fall in love with the atmosphere that I had always been longing for, with my family and my best fren =) personally I believe it was a good start of a brand new year, one which will blossom with happiness and success. I really feel lucky coz i'm having such a wonderful family, mom and dad always encourage me in everything I do, care for me even when I was in a trouble so stupid.. And I made it =), haha, and my brother, very cute and thoughtful.. well, I've seen things in him that help to reassure myself.. I'm not so worried about him anymore.. I believe he can do it all the way.. Yeah and my wonderful grandparents, they show their love to me in every possible way, always want me to stay carefree and happy, free from every single hardship in life.. Thx a lot, I noe you both want the best for me, but let me fall and stand up by myself, I might get hurt but I believe in the end I'll find something worthwhile =)..
To my 4 best friends, thx for always keeping in touch although we're staying super far from each other.. it's been 2 years but I feel that our friendship's becoming stronger and stronger as time goes by, coz we're all mature by now huh ;;) (someone's turning 19 :p).. Wish you guys all the sweetest things this coming year.. I'm a bit slow right now :p, but I'll catch up with u all in no time =)
Well, tmr will be a new day, I'll study hard and start working on my New Year's Resolutions =)
Nite.

horrible day!

back from the orientation weeks... we're starting school with a few lectures and most of the time we hang around the school and do nothing much although things have started to pile up =( I'm juz not in the mood to study at all.. juz 1 more week of school then I'll get to enjoy life again.. Now I know that JC life is tough (like Maths for ex, within 2 lectures, we have to finish a whole tutorial of about twenty smthg questions, they want us all to become Maths freaks isn't it, crazy), but I'll try my very best, and of course not to miss out on the fun too =) gotta take up a sport soon and start training myself.. oh need to change my lifestyle also.. will try to eat healthy stuff and have enuf sleep... haizz thinking of the horrible moment that I had to go through today, juz wanna blame myself.. hope things are getting alright with me.. coz anyway, I still have to take care of my own self for the next few years.. When i'm stressed or when i'm juz too engrossed in doing something, i juz dun care about my health =( and then have to face some consequences at the end of the day .. It would have been different if mom and dad are here to urge me to do something about my health, like eat more fruits, drink milk and juice, force me to sleep early.. Hmm i've realized that it's not easy to live independently hehe =).. gotta change.. think i've got some ideas in mind already.. Well, it's time for dinner =)

I wanna cry so badly.. I hate this feeling.. hate it whenever I have to think about it.. I'll do whatever I can to forget.. I need to focus..