GoOd FriDaY

Hax so long haven't blogged... :( Haha see, so lazy that I couldn't even get myself into the mood of writing anything... But today is different... There's sthg important that I need to talk about... It's today that I realize one thing, the one thing I dun wanna face at all, that I'm actually more mature than I thought.. Ms Teh knows that..

This is the first time I have shared such lots of thoughts to a person that I got to know in Singapore.. She has been a good and understanding CM, she knows what is good and what is bad for us... She has always helped us out and given us priceless advices... But I have seen something in her that resembles me, or actually a part of me... She's a workaholic type of person, as everybody can tell, we only see the lights in her room on twice or 3 times a week.. Sometimes when she's free she likes to walk around the cluster and see how things go with us, give us some advice or cheer us up, or even buy ice creams and pizzas for us.. Haha that's so nice of her.. Although she's a mature person, she's still very young, and (this is the important part), she always seems to be so childish, just to make others happy... Just like me.. I act stupidly sometimes, in front of many ppl, it's still me though.. But when I'm by myself or with one or 2 ppl, the sentimental part of me wins over and everything just pours out...

She invited me to her church today for a dance musical show... Err i didn't like this kind of church thing because it made me sick (now I still dunno whether this kind of thought is a sin), everything they do is try to persuade ppl into believing that God exists, that we should come to church, to their services... Well, I can't see the point u noe... What do they do that for, does God really exist, do they earn money from this kind of service??? I'm still on the way to find out all this...

After I finished reading Small Gods and watching this dance show, I have been able to understand something.. God creates Man, but for all this while, Man has been turning away from God, just like when ur parents give birth to u, they tell u to do this or that, but u don't follow them, that's when u have committed a sin... The pastor today also said that Jesus died on the cross to wash away Our sin and put on us some blood kind of thing.. Good Friday is the day that commemorates His death and what he had done to us... They said we have been so far away from Him and that's why it's time for us to stay near him and get His blessings.. Well I kinda understand what they are all thinking, because they believe in God.. But how can u believe in sth that u cannot see or touch... I thought Jesus didn't even exist, so how could he die? And most importantly, I wonder how they actually talk to God, or they are just simply talking to themselves... I have no evidences to believe in sth that is so not true... Same as when I was back home, when I heard my parents and uncles, aunties talking about LIFE up there or down there, about incarnation and all those things... My dad has actually told me that grandmum came back and talked to him, in his dream of course... Some of my uncles and aunts also dreamt such dreams and described the same thing, as in the way my grandma dressed and talked to them... Howcan I believe them while I'm not the one who experienced it??? But I could also not say that they were lying, becos.. why do they need to lie... It's more confusing than I thought...

Life has different kinds of things to expect.. And maybe it's different for each one of us... But I dun think it's God who arranged everything.. Success, fame, money, all this.. are what we are all pursuing, and that pastor said they're not as important as being close to God, since He will guide u, through darkness to a better place... Erm I dun agree with this.. Even though God can be omnipotent, omnipresent or even omniscient or whatever, what they were saying is impossible... Arg so confusing, well, they can just go and pray to their God the whole day lol...

I talked to her all the way back.. about my parents too.. suddenly feel proud of my parents than ever before, because they are the best and most important ppl in my life... They have brought me up the way that I am right now and I'm proud of that... I have never been short of anything, I'm always loved...

About me, I always feel tense when she asks me about myself.. In those situations, I always have a feeling that she's actually comparing me with someone I should not mention here... But I realize I'm different from that her, and I dun need to try to be someone that is not me... Noone is perfect and I'm proud to be me, not any other person... Staying overseas, especially in a dorm is such a cool experience, in a sense that u can observe other ppl's lives from ur point of view and u will try to learn sth good from them and u can actually combine their qualities that u think they're good to make them urs... And it's great that I'm doing it... I'm able to balance myself... I dun need to stand at the top of the mountain, looking down on everybody with a bitchy face, or right at the bottom to be able to get my scholarship terminated.. Haha.. All I need to do is enjoy myself while studying here, get to know more friends, and do whatever that gets me satisfied... But some ppl say it's better to make a change, u cannot always stand in the middle of the crowd and watch others move.. Well as if I don't... I always change and I can feel deep down inside that something is different in me everyday, that I'm changing and making a difference... Only I am able to see it.. Just like God haha.. I cannot tell u when but one day, I will show u...

We finished the lesson at around 10.30.. And since the side gate was not open until 1pm, so I decided to stay around in school until then.. Ehem, but what happened was that my senior wanted me to wait for her coz she needed to do some spiral spiral kind of thing for the maths notice board (erm Maths Society president mah).. At first, I was just hanging around the school, going to library, doing maths (arg, I can't even do one question, I'm so pissed), drinking bubble tea (haha, so nice), watching the councillors prepare for the next orientation (er..), and watching the MS ppl doing their watever decorations.. Then dunno why I suddenly suggested sth to them and decided to help them paint and all... Oh my gosh, I have spent these 3 days painting and painting all the time.. It's fun though, but tiring.. I wanted to go back at 1pm but then it turned out to be almost 6... Hoho!!! Forgot to bring my money (50 bucks which is in my pants' pocket), haven't eaten lunch n have had enough of all this painting stuff...

Erm went to ACSI with Tu today to do the banner... Haha guess what, we bought 3 cans of paints, of course different colors, red, yellow and silver, juz becoz there's no orange... At first we thought it's kinda stupid, but once we put these 2 colors on the banner with 3 different shades, haha, it looked so damn nice... Then we created different styles for each letter... Wow painting is fun man, especially when u say it sux while u're painting and just keep on swinging the brush to and fro like sweeping the floor like that, BUT haha what ur gonna say after that is the thing that counts: My god, I can't believe I actually did this... Haha I went for a painting class before, in primary school I think... Spending every Sun at my teacher's house with some of my best friends, using paints and all for free, haha that period of time was.. great.. :( This makes me kinda miss all my primary-school playmates :(( and my vice-prefect... Hehe for such a long time I haven't got any news from him... I hadn't even known he was in the same high school with me until like some months before I left for S'pore... But I also haven't seen him face to face since primary school.. Haha.. What a friend I am! Hax can't believe I can comfortably sit here, reminiscing about the past.. Haha wonder whether he also does that, at times, and whether he still has some memories about the girl who has the same last name as his :) My prefect! :p
Aiya forget it.. Good to have some time to think abt the past, but not too much ;))..
Oh Matt bought the same T-shirt as mine, from the same shop at the same shopping center muahaha, copycat!!! Erm same kind, same color (yellow) but different designs I mean.. Oh but unlucky for him, the design is the same as Van's but the color is different haha, needless to say...
Yeah yeah erm erm I'm sleepy already... What day is today? Oh no, Tuesday!! Only 5 days left... What should I do now? Huh huh huh? Scary!!! Nvm, sleep first...

March Holiday..

I'm so bored... I wanna go out!!!!
In fact, I did, for the last two days... Wow, we, as in my juniors, Van and I, went to have lunch at marche on Saturday... We ate and ate and ate for like 2 hours and ended up paying around $20 per person.. Arg, I muz admit that it's really a nice place to eat and relax, but to go there every weekend is such a crazy idea... I wonder how rich the Choir ppl are... Haha... I can't believe I actually spent almost 1oo bucks that day... I had my hair cut at Heerens, which cost me $29, plus all the junk food that I bought, and some T-shirts too.. Haha I told Lynette I would surely spend like $100 during the whole holiday, but who knew that after only 1 day, I have almost exceeded that number... Wa lao, I need to save money... I desperately wanna go back this summer.. My two best friends are coming back from US and UK.. If I go back, I will be able to meet them and my other two bestest friends in VN... BUT... Such a big but.. My mom and my bro wanna come to Singapore this June... This is really a rare occasion, coz next year my bro is gonna have some kind of secondary graduation exam, like O-level here.. Then next next year will be my turn... A level... Arg, it sounds so depressing... I wonder what I'll become n how I am gonna survive that year.. Hax look at all my seniors' A-level results, can u believe that I am actually their junior... I think there was something wrong with the 2 ppl who picked me to NJIP the other day... Haha I have neither talent nor consistency, I prefer slacking to studying and I have no leadership quality... HOHOHO I was the fifth person to be interviewed, they shouldn't have been so sleepy, should they?? Haha anyway, glad that I came to this programme, because all the stuff that I have learnt here are actually quite new to me, not like in any other secondary schools' boring modules... And since there's no O-level, there hasn't been any real stress and pressure, yet :))...